This Year’s Farmers’ Almanac Has Arrived, And Its Forecasts For The Winter Are Bleak

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With that agricultural nightmare written in the pages of history books, the Farmers’ Almanac came up with its still-secret formula for predicting the weather. They studied sunspots, tides and the planets to estimate how the year’s weather would play out in 1818 and beyond.

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“One of the key components in our formula is the Moon and its motions,” said the Almanac’s weatherperson, whose real name is kept private to protect his or her identity. “The Moon has a proven influence on the tides, and it is our belief that it may have effects on our atmosphere as well.”

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The weatherperson went on, “Ocean tides can be accurately predicted, so part of our formula relies on the belief that we can line up certain weather patterns with a specific position of the Moon and its orbit.”

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